Hey, I’m Tahjai Dominic, and welcome to a 🔒 subscriber-only access 🔒 of my weekly newsletter. I write a letter to my son each week with meaningful advice, life lessons and need to know information that every young man should know. This is a continuance letter, a book if you will, designed to push any young man to keep focus and avoid disastrous mistakes in life. If you are want to receive every letter, upgrade your subscription. If not that is perfectly fine, you’ll still get one letter a month.
My Dearson,
If you spend your life trying to please everyone, you’ll live a life that will drain you. I want you to remember this early in life. Heck as much as it hearts my ego to say - don’t even seek to please me. I don’t have to live for you.
You were not meant to blend in.
You were built to lead, to grow and to walk in purpose and purpose does not exist at the end of other people’s approval. It starts the moment you stop shrinking who you are to fit their expectations.
People pleasing is one of the most deceptive traps in life. It masquerades as kindness and humility but at its core… its fear. A fear of being disliked. A fear of disappointing others. The fear of standing out too much. Don’t be like the chameleon; blending in.
But here is the truth:
No one becomes great by being agreeable all the time.
The men and women who build, lead and create don’t chase applause - they seek alignment; and when you care more about what others think than what you believe….. You start saying “yes” when you mean “no”. You’ll quiet your voice to protect their comfort. You'll delay your calling just to avoid criticism. That’s not love, that’s cowardice and no son of mine will grow to be such a thing.
So how do you stop people pleasing?
Here are 5 things I want you to practice.
Catch the pattern
Ask yourself: “Why am I saying yes?”
If the answer is guilt, fear, or obligation - pause.
Make peace with disapproval.
You’re not here to be universally liked
Even Jesus had haters.
If you’re living with integrity, the right people will respect you - even when you say “No”.
Build a “non-negotiable” list
Know what matters to you.
Write it down.
Refer to it before making commitments.
Practice small “no’s” daily
You don’t need to be harsh - but you do need to be honest.
“No Thank You.”
“I’m not available for that.”
“I’d rather not".”
Measure success by alignment, not approval.
Ask: Did I show up as my full self today?
Not: Did everyone like me today?
So I’ll ask you:
Are you living a life that’s yours… or a performance written by other people expectations?
Because if your “yes” costs you peace, confidence or progress - its a “no” in disguise.
I’ve learned this the hard way. There were seasons of my life where I said “yes” to everything - and lost sight of why i was doing any of it.
I agreed to things that drained me. I watered down my message to avoid offense and I spend more time managing how I was perceived than becoming who I was called to be. Once I stopped chasing approval, I began to gain my confidence back. Better relationships, deeper purpose and real peace. And you will too because your not here to make everyone comfortable.
You cant please everyone!
This week, I wan you to do something bold:
Say “no” to something that doesn’t sit right with you or your values - even if it makes someone else comfortable and then sit with that discomfort. You’ll realize that the world doesn’t end when you stand firm. In fact, it opens up.
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